I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
