I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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