I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
