there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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