Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
