just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
