She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
