3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
