this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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