Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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