I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize