I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
