I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
