Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
