yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
