So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
