nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she told me i tasted like america
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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