why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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