No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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