man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
