I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
May the power of my ass compel you!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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