FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
