the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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