I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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