He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
