Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
