This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
that is very illegal...i love you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
