I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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