The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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