vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
NoShamevember. You game?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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