I think my fart just growled at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
