Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize