Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
