using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
