mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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