Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
