What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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