My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
