Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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