So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I understand Curling. That high.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
