I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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