this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
