I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize