Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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