Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
