Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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