There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
