I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
