I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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