I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
MIDGETS
????
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
