Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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