he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
