I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
