Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
