I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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