OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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