morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
