I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
