I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
