smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
