I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my being single is dangerous.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
