I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
