My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
