Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
