she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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