Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
