Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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