pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
